15 November 2007

I Heart My Bike... But i don't shag it...


I Heart Copenhagen, originally uploaded by [Zakkaliciousness].

This news piece from BBC is just too bizarre to pass by. We don't know if we should add him to our Bikes We Like feature or set up a support fund for the man. Thanks to Deepbluesea for sending us the link.

A man caught trying to have sex with his bicycle has been sentenced to three years on probation. Robert Stewart, 51, admitted a sexually aggravated breach of the peace by conducting himself in a disorderly manner and simulating sex.

Sheriff Colin Miller also placed Stewart on the Sex Offenders Register for three years. Mr Stewart was caught in the act with his bicycle by cleaners in his bedroom at the Aberley House Hostel in Ayr.

Gail Davidson, prosecuting, told Ayr Sheriff Court: "They knocked on the door several times and there was no reply. "They used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the accused wearing only a white t-shirt, naked from the waist down.

"The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex." Both cleaners, who were "extremely shocked", told the hostel manager who called police.

Sheriff Colin Miller told Stewart: "In almost four decades in the law I thought I had come across every perversion known to mankind, but this is a new one on me. I have never heard of a 'cycle-sexualist'."

Stewart had denied the offence, claiming it was caused by a misunderstanding after he had too much to drink.

It's funny. It's strange. But what really disgusts us is the fact that the man was doing whatever it was he was doing in the privacy of his own room. It's nobody's business what he does in there. It's consensual sex between a man and his bike. This would never fly in Denmark. Invasion of privacty and all that. And even if the chap did it on the City Hall Square people would either walk past and shrug or through coins into a hat, thinking it was street performance.

If the man was molesting a child's tricycle... fine. Take him down, bailiff. But honestly... leave the man alone in his own room. Just make sure he has bike oil handy.


6 comments:

LOBO said...

Illarious!!.. the news piece...and your comments!!
Great Blog!

Zakkaliciousness said...

Thanks, lobo!

Cartoon Head said...

So did the bike get put on probation too?
Of course not - bloody double standards!

http://cartoon-head.blogspot.com/

Christina said...

Tried commenting earlier but my computer had other ideas :/
I agree fully with you, I think it's awful what happened to the poor guy. Yes it's bizarre/funny of course, but he didn't deserve to be dragged through the courts and put on a sex offenders list alongside REAL sick deviants, and predators.
Who was he hurting? no-one. I think it's a terrible violation of someones privacy; and to criminalise someone for such a victimless "crime"...very worrying. I'm sure the poor "shocked" and outraged people who've now possibly ruined his life would see far worse on a Friday night out in Glasgow!
I would like to think the people of my country (Ireland) would have have had a more compassionate (and humourous!)reaction.
Great blog, I think it's a very important message you're putting across.

Zakkaliciousness said...

Indeed... good point. The bike got off scot-free. Typical.

I bet the bike even landed a gig on a celebrity reality show because of the exposure in the press and is now currently writing a book about it, too.

Thanks for your comment, too, christina! I'm sure the Irish would see the humour and react in a more civilised, respectful manner.

behoovingmoving said...

I doubt I'm the only one running scared and delaying his next trip to the US, even if there are great buying ops around Portland, with the low US dollar.