13 August 2008

The Surest Sign that Bicycles are Mainstream


[Japanese porn film featuring a bicycle]

There is one surefire sign that bicycles are hot at the moment. It's not the coverage urban cycling is getting on tv networks or in mainstream newspapers and fashion magazines.

It's pornography. Increasing numbers of bicycle related porn films are being spotted on adult websites. You read it here first [but you probably noticed yourself, didn't you?] Once again, the adult film industry is a deciding factor in cultural and technological issues.

[Screen grab from another, more recent film featuring bicycles and a 'cyclist'.]

The adult film industry almost single-handedly killed of Beta in favour of VHS when they decided to back the latter format for the distribution of their films. Every time you view internet streaming and watch clips in the most popular formats, you can thank the porn industry for choosing them and therefore standardising how we view online content. The industry was a major factor in the rapid development of streaming technology and their choices of format killed off all the other competitors to mpeg and avi.

Most recently, the world awaited the porn industry's choice between HD-DVD or Blu-Ray.

So now there are bicycle porn films popping up. From the States but also from Japanese websites and producers. Like it or not, it's good for cycling. Well, probably. At the very least it is a little step towards removing the bike/sports geek factor from cycling and returning the bicycle to its rightful place as an inseparable part of our culture. If you can fuck on a bicycle, you can certainly pop down to the supermarket on it, or ride to work.
Bike me from behind, big boy...
[Nobody said it was QUALITY porn...]

For too long the car industry has enjoyed its place in porn films, especially the cheesy online ones. Bimbo in silly heels bent over the hood of a Corvette or suchlike visual pandemonium. It's time the bicycle took its cultural market share.

We have a relaxed attitude towards porn here in Denmark. We were the first country to legalise it back in 1969 and, when U.S. video rental giant Blockbuster moved into the Danish market ten or so years ago by buying up a local chain, there were protests when they announced they would stop renting porn. The protests came from family groups, among others, who didn't fancy the company bringing the cultural morals of another country into ours.

Blockbuster caved in and Denmark is the only country where they rent adult erotica films in their shops. Whether or not Danish adult film producers are capitalising on the popularity of bicycle porn films in order to broaden their international market is unclear but it's some research I'm going to enjoy thoroughly.

Copenhagenize the Planet indeed.

13 comments:

cyclonecross said...

In our area's racing scene, we lust after bike porn. Normally it involves carbon or Ti components. But, I have to say I like this bike porn a lot more!

-gb

Anonymous said...

"If you can fuck on a bike, you can certainly pop down to the store"...I'm not sure that follows, Zakk. I mean, you can fuck on a couch, but you can't pop down to the store on one - oh, wait, yes you can: http://www.bikeforest.com/?p=65 How long before one of these (yes, there are several) shows up in a porn film, do you think? Looks like fun... Val

Anonymous said...

Oh, yes, I forgot to mention this site: http://tinyurl.com/2ceces One of my favorites - there's even one of your pictures there! Val

My Life In Montreal said...

Wow...that's impressive.

DogsBody said...

Bringing new meaning too "Pumping up a grade".

Anonymous said...

Really disappointed that you have blogged about this topic, especially the inclusion of those horrible photos. How low will you sink, Zak, to boost your hits statistics? Disgraceful!


PS please post the URLs for them so we can make sure they're as disgusting as they seem in the stills.

(kidding!!)

Zakkaliciousness said...

haha, thanks for that! for the record, no spike in the stats was recorded because of this post. damn.

Three-Speed said...

Aside from the excellent editorial content, I really appreciate your great facility with the language - not a punctuation error, misspelling, good grammar. . .

Thanks!

Carl V. said...

How hilarious! Got to give them credit for trying to mix it up a bit, I imagine the standard porn film can get a bit boring after awhile. At least they are using some beautiful looking bikes!!!

Don't ask why I know this said...

and I thought I was the only one who'd noticed! one gay porn studio released a "bike gang" themed movie in 1983 featuring guys on 10-speeds. the 1988 sequel had them on (ugh) motorcycles -- but the 2006 sequel got them back onto racers. yay!

Zakkaliciousness said...

UM...why do you know this?

revphil said...

some say that in Portland we celebrate our bikes too much.

reverend phil
bike pornographer
www.BikeSmut.com

generic cialis said...

The porn twists become more interesting and bizarre as years go by. Come to think of it though, it's what keeps the fans coming back.