Copenhagen, 28 May 2010.
For Immediate Release.
In a shocking display of road rage, Copenhagenize and another innocent Citizen Cyclist were brutally attacked on the bike lanes of Copenhagen yesterday morning.
In the morning rush hour on Tagensvej, at the intersection with Nørre Alle, Copenhagenize was waiting on the right side of the lane, along the curb, for the light to change with a few dozen other cycling citizens.
On the left side of the bike lane was a young women. Suddenly and apparently without any reason, a cyclist [pictured above] rolled down the middle of the bike lane between Copenhagenize and the young woman. [The lanes are wide enough to accomodate three cyclists on this stretch].
But suddenly, the cyclist tried to pop out of his clicky-cycling shoes and violently tipped to the left, shouldering the young woman so violently that she tipped over. Narrowly avoiding certain death by... putting her foot down. Then the cyclist overcompensated for his wobble and shouldered Copenhagnenize with such intense force that my bike and I tipped to the right. I, too, was on the verge of certain death. Only my lightning-fast reflexes saved me from slamming into the sidewalk and getting a bit of dirt on my jacket or something.
Even worse, my Bullitt cargo bike scraped against the curb! The paint is clearly, kind of, scratched.
Before I knew what hit me, the cyclist continued his rampage after regaining his balance. First, without any warning, he turned to the young girl and apologised very sweetly! She just shrugged and nodded. Then, turning his focus to his second victim, Copenhagenize, he smiled and apologised profusely! Yes! Profusely!!
I was helpless. All I could do was smile back, slap him on the shoulder and say "No problem!"
He then rolled forward and waited for the light to change before riding off towards the city. Without even looking back at the carnage!
See?! Cycling is dangerous. Cycling shoes and gear are weapons of mass destruction. I'm shopping for one of those helmets ASAP and driving to work until I get one. Can anyone recommed a lawyer and a shrink?