29 May 2010

Copenhagenize Brutally Attacked by Lycra Warrior!


Copenhagen, 28 May 2010.
For Immediate Release.

In a shocking display of road rage, Copenhagenize and another innocent Citizen Cyclist were brutally attacked on the bike lanes of Copenhagen yesterday morning.

In the morning rush hour on Tagensvej, at the intersection with Nørre Alle, Copenhagenize was waiting on the right side of the lane, along the curb, for the light to change with a few dozen other cycling citizens.

On the left side of the bike lane was a young women. Suddenly and apparently without any reason, a cyclist [pictured above] rolled down the middle of the bike lane between Copenhagenize and the young woman. [The lanes are wide enough to accomodate three cyclists on this stretch].

But suddenly, the cyclist tried to pop out of his clicky-cycling shoes and violently tipped to the left, shouldering the young woman so violently that she tipped over. Narrowly avoiding certain death by... putting her foot down. Then the cyclist overcompensated for his wobble and shouldered Copenhagnenize with such intense force that my bike and I tipped to the right. I, too, was on the verge of certain death. Only my lightning-fast reflexes saved me from slamming into the sidewalk and getting a bit of dirt on my jacket or something.

Even worse, my Bullitt cargo bike scraped against the curb! The paint is clearly, kind of, scratched.

Before I knew what hit me, the cyclist continued his rampage after regaining his balance. First, without any warning, he turned to the young girl and apologised very sweetly! She just shrugged and nodded. Then, turning his focus to his second victim, Copenhagenize, he smiled and apologised profusely! Yes! Profusely!!

I was helpless. All I could do was smile back, slap him on the shoulder and say "No problem!"

He then rolled forward and waited for the light to change before riding off towards the city. Without even looking back at the carnage!

See?! Cycling is dangerous. Cycling shoes and gear are weapons of mass destruction. I'm shopping for one of those helmets ASAP and driving to work until I get one. Can anyone recommed a lawyer and a shrink?

18 comments:

Kiwehtin said...

I think your most serious danger of injury resulting from this injury is accidentally biting down while your tongue is still firmly planted in your cheek.

:-p

Brent said...

A larger travesty is pairing those socks with the rest of the uniform.

blighty rider said...

I'm with Brent. It was those socks really, isn't it? At least he wasn't wearing sandals as well.

Pete K said...

Here in Kamloops it's a $1000 (CAN) fine top ride your bike without a helmet. Usually this isn't too stringently enforced but with a huge increase in the number of cyclists and longboarders here in town, by-law and police officers have begun to "crackdown" on all of these delinquents.

I've taking to riding with a sign on my bike that sports the challenge that cyclehelmets.org has on their site, "Ask me why I DON'T wear a helmet."

It's amazing how many cyclists get excited by this sign. I get people asking me why everywhere I go, and I tell them. Yesterday I rode with a gentlemen who was decked out the same as your assailant and he was very impressed with the fount of anti-helmet information I provided, thanks in part to Copenhagenize, by the way.

Later that same day and elderly woman rode by me and my girlfriend, stopped, turned around came back and asked in a thick Dutch accent if we didn't wear helmets because we loved the feeling of the wind in our hair. It quite honestly finished off my day in the best of ways.

bentguy said...

Yikes, $1,000 fine!!

I don't know what Kamloops you are from but if it's the one in British Columbia Canada then the fine is $29 (that's the provincial fine --unless the city of Kamloops has some weird local fine) and cyclists, like pedestrians, do not have to carry ID. So if you get stopped don't produce any (as long as your only crime is to not wear a helmet). You have to give them your real name and address but they will throw it out (actually they drop the charge) if you challenge it when no ID was produced when the ticket was issued.

More and more cyclist in BC are riding without helmets, the police are tiring of wasting their time handing out tickets --even though we still get the occasional "crack down" like during bike to work week-- and with many city councils trying to find ways to bring in bike share programs I sense that our silly (and statistically ineffectual) helmet law will either be repealed or adjusted to "children only" sometime down the road.

Green Idea Factory said...

Mikael, have you ever rode a bike clipped in? It's really great.

Green Idea Factory said...

Anyway, on a different topic, I think we should all get Fietsberaad to do some research about reflective vests and what I call "hyper-illumination".

Some new urban helmets look a bit better and replace sport-style with tweed-style, but reflective vests always say "danger!" and like all hyper-illumination I think they make things worse for other vulnerable road users.

Why? I will let you know in a response to the next new blog entry.

river said...

hilarious!

Glenn said...

The other day I was speaking with an acquaintance who is a professional nurse, and has worked in emergency rooms. He said that a fall on the head from 4 feet at zero miles per hour could be fatal. We were discussing bike helmets at the time.
By that logic all pedestrians and people sitting on tall bar stools should wear helmets as well. I shudder when I think of all the times in the last 5 decades I have avoided certain death by the simple expedient of having a sense of balance and the common sense to put out my hands when I fall.

I swear some of these idiots would have us wearing padded armour from cradle to grave, never go outside and be fed through tubes. Come to think of it, Wendell Berry in one of his essays suggests selling coffins to people of that ilk; for immediate use mind you, not a "pre-need" sale.

Glenn

Peter said...

this is hilarious. :)

Kate Helman said...

Clicky-clicky shoes are a menace and shouldn't be allowed on public streets.

Riders with clicky-clicky shoes think they are the second coming of Pantani, so they always push to the front of the bike lane at red lights, and then when the light goes green, they delay everyone else while they are fart-arsing around clicking their shoes back in their pedals.

Of course, you can pull out and go around them, but nothing threatens the masculinity of a clicky-clicky man on an expensive bike more than being overtaken by a non-Lycra-wearing rider on a lumbering, gearless Indian roadster, so then you find yourself engaged in an uncalled-for death race across the intersection.

Tiresome limp dicks, the lot of them.

Green Idea Factory said...

@Kate: Are you serious? What happens with motor vehicles when their operators do the equivalent of clicking in?

Kim said...

"Clip less" shoes/pedals are only of any real use if you are going on long rides without stopping. In town they are pointless, it is such a hassle clicking in and out, and also very embarrassing when you forget to click out...

Green Idea Factory said...

@Kim, that is mostly TRUE, BUT how to get out of town?

Oldfool said...

I was hit dead center and literally thrown into the center of the street on May 25 by a two and a half ton truck. I was dazed but I think a helmet would not have help since I did not hit my head. I got a skinned knee and a bruised arm so I don't think a helmet would help. Pictures at www.oldfool.org.
I'm not rushing out to buy a helmet. I really don't care for the costume it goes with and I am convinced that many bike riders ride so the can wear the prissy costume.

Kate Helman said...

Green Idea Factory - the discussion has nothing to do with motor cars, so I don't see your point.

Green Idea Factory said...

Kim/Kate: I'm just sayin' that motor cars are much more problematic when starting from a dead stop then are cyclists with clippy clicky bits.

However I think that thinking about Segways should be illegal.

Kate Helman said...

"I'm just sayin' that motor cars are much more problematic when starting from a dead stop then are cyclists with clippy clicky bits."

And so? Not every human thought need be accompanied by a cost benefit analysis.